love

is unpredictable

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a d d i c t i v e.
I throw all of your stuff away. I’m gonna clear you out of my head. I tear you out of my heart. And ignore all your messages. I tell everyone we are through. 'Cause I'm so much better without you. But it’s just another pretty lie. 'Cause I break down. Hard as I try I know I can't quit. Something about you is so addictive. We're falling together. you'd think that by now I'd know. cause here we go go go again.

小红帽走在路上，大野狼一路遮遮掩掩的跟踪，却露出了狼尾巴。小红帽心里清楚大野狼的把戏，因为她早就读过大野狼吃小红帽的故事，那是奶奶拿给她看的故事书。小红帽因此特别愤恨大野狼，预藏了刀子，准备有机会就打爆野狼。

有一天小红帽去找奶奶，就在进家门的前一刻，大野狼竟然出现了，咬伤了奶奶。大野狼原来一路跟踪小红帽，目的竟是要咬奶奶，小红帽悲愤的拿起刀子追出去，将大野狼杀得重伤，大野狼负伤逃跑了。小红帽正着急赶回家看奶奶的时候，遇见了猎人，猎人说：「奶奶被恶灵附身很久了，大野狼是帮助并保护妳的。」猎人回家后，枪杀了奶奶，小红帽不相信这个事实，决心去寻找真相。

若干年后，小红帽已经长大了，她在一个峡谷的山坳上，看见一个老人在吹风，那个熟悉的背影，刀疤清晰可见，原来是她找寻已久的大野狼，此刻已垂垂老矣，却又显得那么慈眉善目。小红帽在一瞬间突然释怀了、软化了心肠，叹一口气，在山坳和大野狼并肩坐下，享受微风轻拂。他们什么话也没有说，也不需要说，似乎一切都懂得了。正当小红帽这样想的时候，她似乎从大野狼的眼神里看到了计谋，从唇缝里面看见牙齿露出凶光，而微风仍然轻拂…

I finally plucked up the courage to ask him, and I got an answer.

I guess, this is closure.

Or I hope it would help the closure.

Whatever it is.. Thank you for your answer.

Time, please do your miracle..

I've always admired people for their ability to translate feelings into words, and to string a whole bunch of them into an entire blog post. I just think it is so damn difficult for one to find exact words to describe emotions, and to have the kind of patience to do so. Perhaps that is why I seldom blog, and hardly have the motivation to do so. But on this last day of 2011, in the last hour towards 2012, laying on my bed, in front of my (sister's) laptop, I thought that I should really write this entry to summerise what I did, and how I felt this past year. Sort of like a year-end reflection for myself.

I read eleven books this year, of which nine are English books and two of them being Chinese Books. Hey! 11 books for 2011, not too bad huh? Pretty impressive I should say, considering the fact that I have had mountains and mountains of school work to do*gives myself a pat on the back*

I managed to qualify myself for the annual MOE stipend of $5000. That's quite a lot, considering the fact that I'm in my third year, and am on no-pay leave(It simply means I have no income and am penniless). Still... I need to buck up on my results. Been telling myself this particular sentence over and over again, but I can't seem to find the motivation to put my words into actions. Hmm.. I do hope that this particular action/habit of mine would not continue into the next year.   

I have had a total of 5 tuition students, with my current number being: One. However, I don't think I would be getting any more students for I am really tired of rushing here and there everyday for lessons. Maybe I'll even give up on my remaining student to concentrate on studies. Hmm.. Who knows?  

I picked up a new CCA, though the content is relatively old - NPCC.Took on the role of an Honorary Officer and actively participated in two of it's major events - LMSC and 35th HOBTC. It has been really fulfilling to see two very different groups of people growing and developing through the different, but somewhat similar syllabus. I do not regret helping out in these two courses, but sometimes I do wonder why I spend so much time and effort in NPCC. My only explanation that I could come up with for myself: the friendships forged through these courses. Through these courses, I got to know a bunch of people, whom I came to love dearly - the 34th HOBTC peeps. It was really fun hanging out with these crazy people, and I feel really blessed to be able to know them.

Of course, that would bring me to my 2 almost relationships this year - one of which still hurts deeply.

I returned HP Elite to NIE/MOE.

I spent Christmas in Genting with my family.

I tried out Hot Yoga with my sisters.

I turned 21 this year and for the first time in my life, had a birthday party. I just thought that it is quite funny that my parents sort of combined my birthday party with a mini relative house-warming party. In addition, I do feel that this birthday was quite unique, for it was in between HOBTC's residential course and adventure training camp, so please do imagine for yourself the hectic-ness of the preparation. Yet, I did feel a little emotional with this birthday celebration, for I thought that someone special would be there to celebrate with me, with all his promises. I really thought that he would be the one. But oh well...  He just proved that dreams are too good to be true... :( Well, I hope that I'll be able to look at this post years later, and have a good laugh at myself, for all the silly thought and actions that I did in year 2011.


Goodbye 2011. You were indeed eventful.
Hello 2012. May you be a better year. :)

Life is strange. Sometimes you think that things are going smoothly,  only to realise that it is a facade.  There are cracks lying beneath it, and a small nudge is all it needs to shatter into tiny little pieces.

Of course I am affected by it, because i didn't exactly know what happened that made it end. (Did it even start in the first place?) I guess I need time to lick my wounds, or a better someone to do so for me.

Till then. I'll try my best to be my normal self. Jiayou PeiSin. :)

How can I see the light at the end of the tunnel?

It's shocking.
and surprising.

and i like the way ym described my current situation.

-officially unaware. LOL